Great ominous atmosphere! I want to know more about the dolphins now, and about whether there were any nasty consequences of those scraps of flesh rotting away that the Voice hasn’t realized are there?
Thank you so much for reading and taking time to comment. You are the first person to do so on anything I put out here, so you have warmed my heart! If I ever try to finish this, I'd need to unpick this piece, and it would have to be serialised - it would need a lot more writing, but I have the story mapped out. I couldnt reveal what happens to the dolphins, but they're ok I promise. There are of course....consequences as you surmise... things descend to chaos and Voice has to make a choice too, shall we say and Ayfor has an...awakening.
Love it Nick! I like the increasing unease about the game. And the indifference of the Voice to the humans in the tube is a great touch.
I love the build up to Audience with the Voice. So much so that I think you should expand on it because I crave more with Voice near the end and I felt definitely the word count for prompt quest limited your off-ramp on the story.
hi Derek. thank you for reading and for the encouragement! there were actually several very long dialogue passages between Ayfor and Voice which i had to distill down to one crucial point to shoehorn that into the reworking for the prompt. there are actually 5 AI in my novel, one for each of 4 sectors and one ... somewhere else. there is also dialogue between them but that didnt work for the prompt. i do feel that i will return to the master plan on this one.
How wonderfully original! Several of us look to have crafted stories that could turn into much longer pieces. I'm interested in knowing more about the ball game and how it's used to determine who is the best and why. There's a lot to unpack with this and I'm happy you decided to share it!
Thank you for reading and your comments Brian. The ball game is just one aspct of the clones lives in their sector, and not the sole reason any are chosen. I am looking at starting to write this as the novel I originally envisaged - I realise I had some idias ahead of time in there around gender identity which are really relevant now.
Intriguing! I can see how this might lead to a much larger story, yet I wasn't overwhelmed with detail as you set the scene. There were just enough details to pique my interest. The idea that only those with the desire to be the best are chosen by the Voice makes me wonder what's in store for them back on Earth. Thank you for sharing!
i hope you like it. when i started this as a novel 20 odd years ago... i was toying with an idea of gender neutrality, clones and AI and found it so hard to write without gender pronouns that i kind of gave up!. i forgot I had written so much of it but your prompt made me dig it out and re purpose the ideas to fit the prompt. i actually found such a detailed skeleton that i couldnt beleive what i had actually done! one day...it may be written properly!
Sam thank you so much for reading my work and your thoughtful comments. it was a task to restrict the dialogue to what i imagined a clone in the "world" would understand, so its good to hear i managed it. whilst the narrator knows the gender of the clones. the clones do not understand their genetic gender... hence the pronoun turmoil!
Great ominous atmosphere! I want to know more about the dolphins now, and about whether there were any nasty consequences of those scraps of flesh rotting away that the Voice hasn’t realized are there?
Thank you so much for reading and taking time to comment. You are the first person to do so on anything I put out here, so you have warmed my heart! If I ever try to finish this, I'd need to unpick this piece, and it would have to be serialised - it would need a lot more writing, but I have the story mapped out. I couldnt reveal what happens to the dolphins, but they're ok I promise. There are of course....consequences as you surmise... things descend to chaos and Voice has to make a choice too, shall we say and Ayfor has an...awakening.
You should definitely unpack it and give us more of the story!! So many threads I’d love to read more of!
Love it Nick! I like the increasing unease about the game. And the indifference of the Voice to the humans in the tube is a great touch.
I love the build up to Audience with the Voice. So much so that I think you should expand on it because I crave more with Voice near the end and I felt definitely the word count for prompt quest limited your off-ramp on the story.
hi Derek. thank you for reading and for the encouragement! there were actually several very long dialogue passages between Ayfor and Voice which i had to distill down to one crucial point to shoehorn that into the reworking for the prompt. there are actually 5 AI in my novel, one for each of 4 sectors and one ... somewhere else. there is also dialogue between them but that didnt work for the prompt. i do feel that i will return to the master plan on this one.
How wonderfully original! Several of us look to have crafted stories that could turn into much longer pieces. I'm interested in knowing more about the ball game and how it's used to determine who is the best and why. There's a lot to unpack with this and I'm happy you decided to share it!
Thank you for reading and your comments Brian. The ball game is just one aspct of the clones lives in their sector, and not the sole reason any are chosen. I am looking at starting to write this as the novel I originally envisaged - I realise I had some idias ahead of time in there around gender identity which are really relevant now.
Intriguing! I can see how this might lead to a much larger story, yet I wasn't overwhelmed with detail as you set the scene. There were just enough details to pique my interest. The idea that only those with the desire to be the best are chosen by the Voice makes me wonder what's in store for them back on Earth. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Garen, thank you for reading and takign the time to comment - its so rewarding to know someone has read your work isnt it!
Thanks for participating, Nick! I look forward to reading this... you're no dinosaur if you're writing prompted short stories. 😁
i hope you like it. when i started this as a novel 20 odd years ago... i was toying with an idea of gender neutrality, clones and AI and found it so hard to write without gender pronouns that i kind of gave up!. i forgot I had written so much of it but your prompt made me dig it out and re purpose the ideas to fit the prompt. i actually found such a detailed skeleton that i couldnt beleive what i had actually done! one day...it may be written properly!
thank you for your inspiration Brian!
I'm happy to hear the Lunar Awards got you inspired to write! There will be plenty of more opportunities for you to share again through our community.
Sam thank you so much for reading my work and your thoughtful comments. it was a task to restrict the dialogue to what i imagined a clone in the "world" would understand, so its good to hear i managed it. whilst the narrator knows the gender of the clones. the clones do not understand their genetic gender... hence the pronoun turmoil!