i want to improve the story but i was just blurging it out onto paper in one go because thats the exercise and it seems to make great word combos for me. but its got some weaknesses in the plot. lillith castrates samael in the demonic books... i wanted to get more of the demonolgy into it becasue that was the seed of it. but it didnt flow out once i started to type. theres some lines in it i am really happy with. and i made a curry in-between writing it too!
I actually like the castration, I don't think it should be changed at all. I didn't sense any weaknesses, there was tension it lingered throughout the entire piece with a climax at the end. You'd be surprised how much I don't like some of my pieces. But people seem to really love them. Of course, it's your work, you're welcome to change it as you see fit. But atleast let some others read it before you chop it to pieces. The last one I did was free hand one hour. I do love that you made curry, what type?
the castration is of course staying...I loved writing that bit. I try and avoid sex in my writing because I so often find it poorly written by others that i fear falling into the same pit.
there was a typo..." i am YOUR Lillith" and then a slight nuance to the medical notes bit to make it clearer that that he has done something to the last doctor to get them.
the curry was a chana aloo and an aubergine and cauliflower bhaji in the side because the cauli was looking a bit sad. just because you might as well make two curries if you're going to make one.
going to stop using mustard seeds. they just make everything bitter. the recipes can fuck off.
I simply cannot agree with your opinion of mustard seeds. I simply can't. Coriander seeds perhaps, when like me one goes a little overboard with them, but not the heavenly mustard seed. Oh no. Cumin seeds the same. Oh, and cardamom pods. Star anise likewise.
Are you frying them in hot oil (or ghee) for a minute until they start popping before you throw in some of your other ingredients? I believe some curry chefs would then remove some of those spices before the second stage. I am assuming the idea is to get some kind of flavour to the oil.
I think it would also depend how many seeds etc. you are using. Plus I would imagine that for purely vegetable curries (especially simple ones like those you mentioned - chickpeas and potatoes, for example), you should really be using fewer of those hard spices. Presumably it's about more delicate flavours (plus the coconut and yoghurt). I have a book of vegetarian curries actually (from Kerala, southern India), but I haven't used it much. I put it down to pure laziness (oh, and the difficulty of obtaining the correct ingredients here in rural France - if there's one thing we totally miss it's Indian and Chinese takeaways; mind you, we did some exceptional prawn toast not so long ago - all by ourselves!).
Usually I just end up improvising. So long as it tastes delicious, that's fine by me.
yes. the mustard seeds go into the oil first always. then onion. then the rest. this also had cumin and black pepper and coriander. dry turmeric and dry ginger powder as i RAN OUT OF FRESH GINGER! i know?! also Methi leaves. brown sugar lime juice and salt and water then just aubergine and cauliflower. aubergine about 15 minutes head start. wasnt bad, just bitter after taste. mustard always does this. maybe its a genetic taste thing
Hmm. Maybe ditch the mustard seeds next time then. I know what you mean about running out of fresh ginger. Fortunately we can get that at our local market. Forget Methi leaves though. I doubt the French have even heard of 'em.
they are strong and stay with you but guve a great "curry" flavour. fenugreek seeds too strong and worse. fresh methi leaves are much more subtle but you never see them.
Thanks Edith.😁 you dont know how much happy there is that you liked this. was struggling to get the story in my head for weeks. then it came to me eating some pork scratchings (rinds i think you call it in the states) its a guilty pleasure. I barely eat meat these days. and i remembered the trips to the butcher shop with dad when I was a wee boy. anyways now i read it again theres a few edits i would make but over all i am happy with it. my mother would hate it.
It's very Hannibal lectorish mixed with that one film. Delicatessen, but less campy more cerebral. This is very on par with some children (not all) with anti social personality disorder. It has serial killer ish vibes and that surprise with Lilith was just so *chefs kiss* I didn't see it coming at all. Whenever Emil gets to it. I'm sure he'll love it too. Would love more series and doings of normalcies in life with strange but beautiful twists like this. I would definitely put this in that Monday Macabre. Get Jon T on it.
the prompt was really succulent with promise... the words all worked together... i just needed something that kicked it off and a recollection of my dad taking me to the butchers and eating pork rinds on the sly suddenly did the business. that and a load of reading anout demons. interesting kaballah and catholic nonsense in very old books you see...
There’s a lot of fiction here on Substack that I begin but don’t finish. This piece kept my attention and was well worth it. Very dark, but it’s great that it doesn’t start that way. It’s like the dark stuff is outside of him, this innocent boy, and we get to watch as it slowly becomes part of him and shapes him and finally turns on him in the end. A satisfying circle of a story•
Thanks for reading and taking time to give me some feedback Layne 🙏. you're right this was about the shaping of the delusion that he was the demon Samael and how the delusion led to his awakening of "Lillith" but darkness is always just inside some people. thats what i think. anyway.
Thanks Evelyn 😁🙏 It isnt quite what i set out to tell but nearly. for these streams i just dont let myself stop if at all possible until I finish it or it's dinner time.
I think you are definitely getting seriously good at this streamy style of writing. The first one was - I'm sure you'll admit - a little incoherent, but this one (and the last one) had a clear narrative to it. I mean the build up and then the logical resolution. Wasn't incongruous, I mean. It all made sense in terms of structure. That's probably a sign of a good writerly instinct if you're doing quick, organic streams of consciousness.
I think what I would do is take a little time to go over it and do a few edits - nothing major - just a tidying up really. Then post it as a 'finished piece' - then we (and you, for that matter) can compare the two.
the first one i was aiming for madness and getting all the words that immediately came to mind out in one go. there wasnt a story other than where do these fucking jackdaws go at night the noisy buggers! this latest one was intended to be more demon based but it didn't come out quite that way. i would ditch the last paragraph as being exposition. I would put some emphasis on his "summoning" of the psychopathy in Lillith and she then taking his place as the "demon" by murdering him ... which was the "Disinherit" part of the prompt. the surprise castration was fun to drop in there. i did do a lot of background on demonic lore. was quite interesting ... Lillith and Samael have some history!
i want to improve the story but i was just blurging it out onto paper in one go because thats the exercise and it seems to make great word combos for me. but its got some weaknesses in the plot. lillith castrates samael in the demonic books... i wanted to get more of the demonolgy into it becasue that was the seed of it. but it didnt flow out once i started to type. theres some lines in it i am really happy with. and i made a curry in-between writing it too!
I actually like the castration, I don't think it should be changed at all. I didn't sense any weaknesses, there was tension it lingered throughout the entire piece with a climax at the end. You'd be surprised how much I don't like some of my pieces. But people seem to really love them. Of course, it's your work, you're welcome to change it as you see fit. But atleast let some others read it before you chop it to pieces. The last one I did was free hand one hour. I do love that you made curry, what type?
the castration is of course staying...I loved writing that bit. I try and avoid sex in my writing because I so often find it poorly written by others that i fear falling into the same pit.
there was a typo..." i am YOUR Lillith" and then a slight nuance to the medical notes bit to make it clearer that that he has done something to the last doctor to get them.
the curry was a chana aloo and an aubergine and cauliflower bhaji in the side because the cauli was looking a bit sad. just because you might as well make two curries if you're going to make one.
going to stop using mustard seeds. they just make everything bitter. the recipes can fuck off.
I simply cannot agree with your opinion of mustard seeds. I simply can't. Coriander seeds perhaps, when like me one goes a little overboard with them, but not the heavenly mustard seed. Oh no. Cumin seeds the same. Oh, and cardamom pods. Star anise likewise.
Are you frying them in hot oil (or ghee) for a minute until they start popping before you throw in some of your other ingredients? I believe some curry chefs would then remove some of those spices before the second stage. I am assuming the idea is to get some kind of flavour to the oil.
I think it would also depend how many seeds etc. you are using. Plus I would imagine that for purely vegetable curries (especially simple ones like those you mentioned - chickpeas and potatoes, for example), you should really be using fewer of those hard spices. Presumably it's about more delicate flavours (plus the coconut and yoghurt). I have a book of vegetarian curries actually (from Kerala, southern India), but I haven't used it much. I put it down to pure laziness (oh, and the difficulty of obtaining the correct ingredients here in rural France - if there's one thing we totally miss it's Indian and Chinese takeaways; mind you, we did some exceptional prawn toast not so long ago - all by ourselves!).
Usually I just end up improvising. So long as it tastes delicious, that's fine by me.
yes. the mustard seeds go into the oil first always. then onion. then the rest. this also had cumin and black pepper and coriander. dry turmeric and dry ginger powder as i RAN OUT OF FRESH GINGER! i know?! also Methi leaves. brown sugar lime juice and salt and water then just aubergine and cauliflower. aubergine about 15 minutes head start. wasnt bad, just bitter after taste. mustard always does this. maybe its a genetic taste thing
Hmm. Maybe ditch the mustard seeds next time then. I know what you mean about running out of fresh ginger. Fortunately we can get that at our local market. Forget Methi leaves though. I doubt the French have even heard of 'em.
they are strong and stay with you but guve a great "curry" flavour. fenugreek seeds too strong and worse. fresh methi leaves are much more subtle but you never see them.
Thanks Edith.😁 you dont know how much happy there is that you liked this. was struggling to get the story in my head for weeks. then it came to me eating some pork scratchings (rinds i think you call it in the states) its a guilty pleasure. I barely eat meat these days. and i remembered the trips to the butcher shop with dad when I was a wee boy. anyways now i read it again theres a few edits i would make but over all i am happy with it. my mother would hate it.
It's very Hannibal lectorish mixed with that one film. Delicatessen, but less campy more cerebral. This is very on par with some children (not all) with anti social personality disorder. It has serial killer ish vibes and that surprise with Lilith was just so *chefs kiss* I didn't see it coming at all. Whenever Emil gets to it. I'm sure he'll love it too. Would love more series and doings of normalcies in life with strange but beautiful twists like this. I would definitely put this in that Monday Macabre. Get Jon T on it.
Holy shit.... Holy shit that was good. Out-fucking-standing. I'm honored that this came from my prompt. I say goddamn, that was a good piece.
the prompt was really succulent with promise... the words all worked together... i just needed something that kicked it off and a recollection of my dad taking me to the butchers and eating pork rinds on the sly suddenly did the business. that and a load of reading anout demons. interesting kaballah and catholic nonsense in very old books you see...
THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. I WANT THIS ON PAPER. SOMEWHERE. Pretty please? I love it. 😭 Make it a series. A book. A novella. This. Is something.
Lusciously gruesome.
music to my ears Andy! thank you 🙏😎
There’s a lot of fiction here on Substack that I begin but don’t finish. This piece kept my attention and was well worth it. Very dark, but it’s great that it doesn’t start that way. It’s like the dark stuff is outside of him, this innocent boy, and we get to watch as it slowly becomes part of him and shapes him and finally turns on him in the end. A satisfying circle of a story•
Thanks for reading and taking time to give me some feedback Layne 🙏. you're right this was about the shaping of the delusion that he was the demon Samael and how the delusion led to his awakening of "Lillith" but darkness is always just inside some people. thats what i think. anyway.
Nick, don't you change a single goddamn word of this piece, it stands.
If I had a literary mag, or if I had a way, I would publish this with near ZERO editorial input. It is print ready.
perhaps i should send it to some magazines... never thought about it seriously until recently.
Holy shit. Brilliant.
Thanks Tom! I felt a bit dirty after i wrote it but having a few people like it makes my day 😎
How wonderfully feminist!
Loved it!
Thanks Evelyn 😁🙏 It isnt quite what i set out to tell but nearly. for these streams i just dont let myself stop if at all possible until I finish it or it's dinner time.
I think you are definitely getting seriously good at this streamy style of writing. The first one was - I'm sure you'll admit - a little incoherent, but this one (and the last one) had a clear narrative to it. I mean the build up and then the logical resolution. Wasn't incongruous, I mean. It all made sense in terms of structure. That's probably a sign of a good writerly instinct if you're doing quick, organic streams of consciousness.
I think what I would do is take a little time to go over it and do a few edits - nothing major - just a tidying up really. Then post it as a 'finished piece' - then we (and you, for that matter) can compare the two.
What do you think about that idea?
the first one i was aiming for madness and getting all the words that immediately came to mind out in one go. there wasnt a story other than where do these fucking jackdaws go at night the noisy buggers! this latest one was intended to be more demon based but it didn't come out quite that way. i would ditch the last paragraph as being exposition. I would put some emphasis on his "summoning" of the psychopathy in Lillith and she then taking his place as the "demon" by murdering him ... which was the "Disinherit" part of the prompt. the surprise castration was fun to drop in there. i did do a lot of background on demonic lore. was quite interesting ... Lillith and Samael have some history!
In that case you can definitely polish this up into an excellent story IMO...